Killing conformism

What exactly is conformism or anticonformism?
For me following progress always means to be anticonformist.
Otherwise, conforming to the actual reality, would mean to be always the same, as it was before, as it is now.
When I faced life as a young woman (but even before, as an unconforming child) I had to fight with a certain phantom.
And that phantom was nothing else than the woman I should have been, following the wishes of the two closest women of my world: my mother and my grandmother.
That woman was to be good, lovely, charming, utterly unselfish.
She had to be the one to sacrifice herself in daily life.
Always a step behind the men in her family.
First her father, then her brother, then her husband.
She never had a mind or a wish of her own, but preferred to sympathize always with the minds and wishes of others.
She was honest, she was brave, she was pure, she was the scapegoat of her family.
She washed the dishes, she cooked, she cleaned, always with the best smile on her face.
She was never tired, never bored, never worn out.
"You are a woman. You have to behave as one.
Be sympathetic, be unselfish, be servile, flatter and deceive if necessary, in a few words, use all the arts of your sex."
But I was not willing to to depend on charm for living.
I felt I had the same rights as every other human being.
I fel angry, I felt frustrated, I felt rebellious.
I turned upon her and shot her.
My excuse, if I were to be had up in a court of law, would be that I had acted in self defence.
Had I not killed her, she would have killed me.
It is far harder to kill a phantom than a reality.
Killing the woman you should have been was part of the occupation of the women of my generation.
To be able to create a new phantom that the next generation would have to kill.