Friday, January 04, 2008

How to upgrade your ranks in spite of...

8 UnEthical Ways To Improve Traffic To Your Blog

(disclaimer: a comical look not an advice column. Do Not Try This at Home)

8. Find someone that is about to front page on Digg that obviously stole the pictures from someone. Tell them that one of them is YOUR pictures and that you want a link. Digg the article and wait for the links to come flying in. Do this to two or three people a day and someone will bite each day.

7. Steal articles straight off the front page of Ebaum and post them as your own. Be very very careful as 98% of their material is stolen from someone else and you don't want to steal from the original source.

6. Go into every comment section for the top 200 posts in Reddit and type "Your Mama" with link back to your site. Sure to draw attention and clicks. People can't help but wonder what's behind a linked "Your Mama" quote.

5. Put $25 into Adwords and pay the minimum for "John Chow" keyword. Title your article "Why I Hate John Chow". Why would anyone hate John Chow? You have to come to the site to find out

4. Buy an email list for $100 bucks and send out an email linked to a post entitled "How to Stop the Emails about Someone Inheriting Money and Wanting You to Help" It's a topic that touches the heart of millions and begs to be read.

3. Go into all the forums like and SitePoint and post that you are trying to sell your website Engadget and link back to your site. Make sure to hire a lawyer on this one but really could generate alot of "buzz" with this approach

2. Join 10 Traffic Exchange websites. Then go and hire 50 people from China for 5 cents an hour to "SurfFarm" for you around the clock while you build up credits for traffic. Use your credits.

1. Write a funny song hire a cute girl that can sing on Craigslist . Call one "I Gotta Digg" , another "Gotta Reddit" another "Gotta Slashdot" and another "Gotta Boing Boing". Singing is not as important as hotness to get the clicks. How do I know? Look closely at who owns the url of the previous girl singer.

#0. Make up lies that draw controversy. Like pretending you hired the person that became super popular on Digg.

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