Tuesday, July 04, 2006

How to be Aristocratic

A friend of mine married a very ugly man.
But he was "So Aristocratic".

If you cannot be "arstocratic", but you want to look "aristocratic", I will explain you how to.

You must never complain.
Complaining is very "un-aristocratic".
If you are kept one hour in a shop, if a bus conductor or an employee is rude to you, if a waiter brings you food ice-cold, you must keep your mouth shut.
Sometimes in a shop, in offices or some other public place, an offensive or sarcastic remark may be made about you in the third person, but you just do not hear it.
The stiff upper lip is the "aristocratic" way.
Only low level people will make a row, protest loudly or call for the manager.
Should you be so misguided as to complain, or at least murmur, public opinion will instantly turn against you:
"Who does he think he is?"
The waiter may pour tomato juice down your collar and you exclaim:"Ouch!"
Someone will be sure to remark:
"It's difficult to please some people"

So do not complain. Never complain.
Whatever happens remember the "aristocratic" slogan:
"It's one of those things"
When your brand new toasting machine goes up in flames and toasts you instead of your bread, you nod:
"It's one of those things".
And the matter is closed.
Apart from being utterly un-aristocratic, there is another reason for not opening your mouth in Italy.
They do not even hear the complaints; their ears are not turned to them.

Infact, the Italians Institution take good care that the Italians learn how to be "aristocratic".
Whatever happens, you can be sure that should you be so enraged as to loose your temper and be tempted to look "ordinary" they won't give you the slightest chance.
There is no address, no telephone number, no mane, no responsible.
Just cool down and learn the lesson.
Italy is a very "Aristocratic" country.
Only the Dutch and the Albanians (with a few odd Czechoslovaks, Germans and suchlike thrown in) make rows or protest loudly.

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